Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
I was going to do a separate post for just my blog but seeing how there really is no way to address this in a way that is comfortable I'll just say it...
My wife left me.
Below is a letter I just sent to my boys over at "Minions of the Monster Master" (see that sick banner to your right? Click it, you wont be sorry... oh and make sure you follow them. They'll lead you in the right direction. These green tentacles? Nah, nothing, part of the uniform. Don't worry, the change doesn't hurt too bad :). Still, after the incredibly touching response to the crippled post, I would like to share this with everyone.
Understand this is not a gaming post. This is a life post and as such it's pretty uncensored. Maybe I can use this as a launch point into ordering me some "Paincakes."
Lord knows I've been eating em by the thick stack anyway.
So if you want to know the reason for my mysterious absence, read on.
-Wow, it's been a hot minute hasn't it.
I am very sorry for my absence (I tried to have a bit of fun with it on Mik's page) but I think you'll all accept my excuse.
Ready? It's a doozy...
my wife left me.
Not good enough?
Man, you Minions have gotten hard since you got all popular since I last saw you.
Dog ate my homework?
I was rescuing babies from barn fires?
Ok, my lame attempt at humor has at last beat around the bush to the life altering point, an edge sharp enough to soulslice.
My wife really did leave me.
For a guitar player none the less. Man, if only I had learned to play the guitar instead of game...
She told me on November 28th, the day before my birthday.
Lets just say this Christmas season was cold and very, very dark.
While the world fattened itself on commercial neon lighting and pecan pie, my grieving ate away pound after pound of my marriage fat. My night sweats pooled in the cracks of the couch. I shivered. I ached. I was spun. This was something where everyone was shocked. Now my marriage sucked. Details don't matter at this point except to say I wanted to try and work on the marriage,
she wanted to go learn the guitar.
I can't fight for something that doesn't want to be won.
JubieX (my best friend Scott, I've mentioned him on my blog before) and I moved out. He's awesome. A great friend, helping me pick up the pieces.
Even though my ex is a spawn from the warp now we do co-parent our son pretty well (by that I mean we don't get in each others way. Never know when she is going to "pic" a fight... ok I'll stop poking fun at the guitar player who moved in on my wife. I'm sorry :).
The hardest thing though has been my son. This has been very difficult for him. He adores us both. I will never hear anything more icy in my life than when my boy said to me "daddy, I'm sorry mommy is divorcing you."
The kid's smart. He knows what's up.
However I do have some good news to report sirs. Wonton, your minion auxiliary trooper, has brought honor upon the chapter (I cost 35 points. You can see all my upgrades and further details in Codex: Minions of the Monster Master).
I was a winner of the 2010 National Novel Writing Month.
50,000 words in a month was the challenge.
I did it it 22 days (I'll be expecting my purity seal and commendation in the mail).
Serious though, I knocked out a novel in a month. The cool thing was in early December we were informed they are going to be publishing our work (createspace.com) and we have the option to sell it on amazon.com. So now I'm in the middle of a rewrite, fighting the clock for my mid June publication deadline (even if I don't make it it's no biggie. Independent publishing and digital novels are the future baby... and the future is now!).
So, not all bad here on the western front.
That was a saving grace through all of this. To have that accomplishment tucked under my arm, knowing I'm going to be holding my own paperback someday was a pretty elating feeling after the hit I just took.
Now I just got to get the thing done. My winners banner from the event is up on my blog. Here is the link to my winner page and writers profile. I have my position on your guys show listed in the author info (love writing those. I get to put whatever quirky, obscure info about myself on there and I'm sorry, being an minion auxiliary is something to be proud of :). Also the stats tab is cool to see. You can see my word count total progress there :) .http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/720195
Oh and my author pic is up there too (no more hair Biscuit, I'm a baldy now. I figure it should be easy to draw bald with an eraser :).
My miniature collection has become a mirror of sorts, a reflection of just how scattered and broken things are at the moment (really? How does a ruined city get more "ruinender?"). I didn't even crack a game book for months. Really, this is like dealing with a sudden, unexpected death. The death of a dream, the death of my family as I knew it, the death of life as I knew it.
For a chronic pain patient, it's torture.
I think five months is good enough idle time from a wreck like that, what do you think?
I don't know when I'll be back with any regularity. I do miss blogging and my blogging buddy and idol Mik (not surprised to see the blog grow man. You really do have one of the best gaming blogs on the web. It's just a fact) Sometimes I'm like "yeah, lets game!" only to feel moments later like doing nothing, just drifting in a chemical haze as it takes my pain and turns it into a whisper. I'm learning grieving and gaming don't mix well, like beer before the liqueur, I'm truly never sicker. My taste for food, miniatures, painting, hell just about anything really rides the swings of my grief as I just let this pass over me (hell yeah that's a "Dune" drop... fear is the fuckin mindkiller baby! :)
Glad to see you guys didn't kick me to the curb...
you can always count on your gaming buddies.
Really, after the hell I continue to live though, seeing the Minions still around, Miks blog grow... it was nice something stayed the same, even if only appears as a little something.
Trust me, to me, it might as well be a statue, a marker, a guidestone to better days and happier times. While I work my way out of this cooze induced funk, these blogs and my own offer a bandage in the midst of suffering. I need to be reminded there can be still be fun if you spill enough paint, run the risk of gluing your fingers together, take out a second or third mortgage to swing the interest payments on that new Forgeworld army you always wanted...
and if you just simply look hard enough.
Thanks for the open ear fellas.
Now, can you guys please dispatch that busty new apothecary to come over here and attend to my wounds?
Big boobed, female apothecaries rock.